Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
