I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
