Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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