Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
