While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
