Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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