I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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