i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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