I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize