It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
