yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
