i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I queefed so loud it echoed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
