Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
