Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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