I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
