i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it hurts more in the daytime
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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