Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
