i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
