Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
