with your own penis?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
