I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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