i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
