the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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