Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
