Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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