so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
