I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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