I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize