I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
