Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Randomize
