before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
