Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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