just come out here and I will go home with you...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
