My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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