Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
