this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
