I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
