I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
