I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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