I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
