so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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