Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
