if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We are two peas in an std pod
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
