Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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