I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
