she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
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You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
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If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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