once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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