Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
MIDGETS
????
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
