I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize