I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
