i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
