Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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