do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
