i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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