i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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