what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
