I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
