can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
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Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
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Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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