and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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