She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
