Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
