oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
