Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
