I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
