She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
