OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
