just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
