First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This is my gift to your gina
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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