Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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