between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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