Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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