Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
