Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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